25 September 2009

wide open spaces

who doesn't know what I'm talking about?
who's never left home, who's never struck out?
to find a dream and a life of their own
a place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

many precede and many will follow
a young girl's dreams no longer hollow
it takes the shape of a place out west
but what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

she needs wide open spaces
room to make her big mistakes
she needs new faces
she knows the highest stakes

she traveled this road as a child
wide-eyed and grinning, she never tired
but now she won't be coming back with the rest
if these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

she needs wide open spaces
room to make her big mistakes
she needs new faces
she knows the highest stakes
she knows the highest stakes

This is kind of where I am in my life. Basically, this song could be a theme song for what I am doing in my life, why I am living in Provo instead of at home, even though I don't have a job yet and the balance in my bank account continues to drop to an all-time low. I'm ready to live life and see if I can make it on my own. It may be an epic fail, but I'm still hoping for things to work out. And I know they will work out, just probably not in the way that I am expecting.

07 September 2009

songs from the summer

So . . . this summer. It was a good one. A hard one, but a good one. I worked as a Building Counselor for EFY and I loved it. This job really was an answer to all of my prayers during winter semester. I was originally only hired as a counselor for three weeks and was wondering what I was going to do for the rest of the summer and how I was going to make money. And then a month before EFY began, I got a call that they needed more BC's and that they wanted me. Definitely a tender mercy in my life. And that is how this summer came about. I worked for eight weeks as a BC in Provo and two as a counselor in Ogden. During this time, the two songs that I probably listened to the most and that described different parts of my life were Sara Evans' "Need to Be Next to You" and Lady Antebellum's"One Day You Will." Mostly just the beginning part of Sara Evans' song described my life, the first verse and the beginning of the chorus:

been running from these feelings for so long
telling myself I didn't need you
pretending I was better off alone
but I know that it's just a lie
so afraid to take a chance again
so afraid of what I feel inside

but I need to be next to you

The first time I heard "One Day You Will" I knew that it was going to be a favorite song of mine. And then I really listened to the lyrics and I fell in love with it all over again.

you feel like you're falling backwards
like you're slippin' through the cracks
like no one would even notice
if you left this town and never came back
you walk outside and all you see is rain
you look inside and all you feel is pain
and you can't see it now

but down the road the sun is shining
in every cloud there's a silver lining
just keep holding on
and every heartache makes you stronger
but it won't be much longer
you'll find love, you'll find peace
and the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
but one day you will

you wake up every morning and ask yourself
what am I doing here anyway
with the weight of all those disappointments
whispering in your ear
you're just barely hanging by a thread
you wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
and you don't know it yet

but down the road the sun is shining
in every cloud there's a silver lining
just keep holding on
and every heartache makes you stronger
but it won't be much longer
you'll find love, you'll find peace
and the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
but one day you will

find the strength to rise above
you will
find just what you're made of, you're made of

but down the road the sun is shining
in every cloud there's a silver lining
just keep holding on
and every heartache makes you stronger
but it won't be much longer
you'll find love, you'll find peace
and the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
but one day you will

one day you will
oh, one day you will

During the summer there were many times where I felt like I was slipping through the cracks. I just didn't feel like things were going to work out or know how they would, and I still really don't know how they will, but I know that they will. I still haven't found everything I'm looking for (a job, love, and so many other things), but one day I will. My life will work out. :)